that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
