dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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