What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When are your genitals available?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
