I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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