Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
