I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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