did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize