My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
