Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
