Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i've created a new STD.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
