Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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