Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
