please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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