so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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