the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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