I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
