The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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