We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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