i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
