Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
