yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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