Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
