apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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