I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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