They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
