You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
