He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
