The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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