I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
