I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
