no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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