By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
