So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
