i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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