she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
