I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
