Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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