hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
