if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You need Xanax blowdarts
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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