guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
