she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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