I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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