The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
