it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
