I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Randomize
