some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
