Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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