Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
