A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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