i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
