physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
