i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
