I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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