I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
