I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
