when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
