made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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