i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
false alarm. still invincible.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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