cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
