After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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