I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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