Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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