Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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