i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
