That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Congratulations! We have a period
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
