I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
