i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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