finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
