I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
