Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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