is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm passing your future prison.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
