I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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