Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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