I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
