Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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