i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
MIDGETS
????
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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