I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
